Guttentag! I represent BMWNA and want to share how to avoid getting your warranty voided. First of all, you drive the Ultimate Driving Machine. No changes are necessary to your vehicle and it's possible any modification will make the car less enjoyable. BMW's are engineered to the strictest standard to be the absolute best car they can be. BMW does not cut any corners which is why the cars are flawless off the floor making it rare to encounter any issues. Any issues encountered are usually due to driver/owner error and not anything BMW did. If, by remote chance, something is wrong with your BMW (which is very unlikely due to the high performance German engineering using only the best materials money can by) having your warranty in place is recommended as trying to get replacement parts that are not from BMW will likely just lead to further issues. You will want to replace any possible defect (seriously, rare as they may be) with OEM BMW parts and services which have been tested with your vehicle using the most stringent of procedures. You bought this car because it is the Ultimate Driving Machine, not because it will be one with some added boost pressure. It's already perfect. Your car is perfect. Your car is perfect.
Now, to protect your warranty here are a few things you need to do and be aware of to maximize your BMW ownership experience.
1. Please send your full name, address, e-mail, what car you own, how many miles, your driving habits, who drives the car, how often it is driven, where it is driven, your birth certificate, social security number, cell phone number, children/relatives names as well as their places of school/work, and what BMW websites you browse to superfriendlybmwwarrantyresolutions at bmw dot com immediately. The sooner you get this information to us the sooner we will send a confirmation e-mail informing you of what upcoming BMW's you will be able to buy. This is a very special VIP e-mail that contains information that has been readily available on the internet for years but it comes directly from us in a neat package.
The reason for this is because we contacted the administrator of this website for a list of everyone's address to be added to a special database and we were told to go $#@! ourselves with a splintered pool cue. This is exactly the type of mentality BMW does not condone and why we do not like this website, simply juvenile.
2. Your warranty will be voided if we determine you browse this website too often simply as a preemptive measure. BMW would like to recommend a friendlier, more OEM feeling environment that caters more to the correct, true BMW demographic. Essentially, morons. BMW wants people who won't question its practices or dare to modify its masterpieces so we simply can no longer tolerate the membership here. Please join bimmerpost as quickly and efficiently as possible. BMW will be happier and you will find you are happier as well. If you are not happy, your messages will be edited until you are happy. You will become happy. You WILL become happy or you will be told to leave until you are happy.
3. We Germans can be trusted. Whenever we try to move a specific demographic of people from one area to another, it goes smoothly and without issue. It most certainly is always efficient. Come on, we're friendly! Trust us, we're not just interested in your money. We also want to be your friend and make the BMW ownership experience as enjoyable as possible. This isn't about dollars for us or our dealers, it's more than that. You're part of our family.
4. We now have BMW M Performance Parts available so no aftermarket parts are necessary at all. Want that BMW Motorsport experience? Ok, it will cost a few more dollars and must be dealer installed which also costs a few dollars but M is not about money. It's about the Ultimate Driving Experience! And now BMW allows you to get the M experience for a few dollars extra without even having to purchase an M car. It's practically the same thing, it's not like we would just put the letter M on anything.
And you get to keep your warranty while having our best Motorsport parts on your car (it is true we do not race these parts but just take our word for it they are Motorsport derived we would never sell the M name we are not like that) for that ultimate M feeling. We will M the living crap out of you. MMmmmm, Motorsport!
Follow these "suggestions" and you will be fine. Disobey and you'll be banned from the BMW community. We Germans may sound fun but sometimes we get serious. Just kidding guttentag have a nice day. But seriously, don't $#@!ing touch your car or ever mention the Magnusson-Moss Act in a dealer because we will blacklist the living $#@! out of you. We're BMW, who the $#@! are you? Now go buy another one.
- Your friendly BMWNA Warranty Department
Now, to protect your warranty here are a few things you need to do and be aware of to maximize your BMW ownership experience.
1. Please send your full name, address, e-mail, what car you own, how many miles, your driving habits, who drives the car, how often it is driven, where it is driven, your birth certificate, social security number, cell phone number, children/relatives names as well as their places of school/work, and what BMW websites you browse to superfriendlybmwwarrantyresolutions at bmw dot com immediately. The sooner you get this information to us the sooner we will send a confirmation e-mail informing you of what upcoming BMW's you will be able to buy. This is a very special VIP e-mail that contains information that has been readily available on the internet for years but it comes directly from us in a neat package.
The reason for this is because we contacted the administrator of this website for a list of everyone's address to be added to a special database and we were told to go $#@! ourselves with a splintered pool cue. This is exactly the type of mentality BMW does not condone and why we do not like this website, simply juvenile.
2. Your warranty will be voided if we determine you browse this website too often simply as a preemptive measure. BMW would like to recommend a friendlier, more OEM feeling environment that caters more to the correct, true BMW demographic. Essentially, morons. BMW wants people who won't question its practices or dare to modify its masterpieces so we simply can no longer tolerate the membership here. Please join bimmerpost as quickly and efficiently as possible. BMW will be happier and you will find you are happier as well. If you are not happy, your messages will be edited until you are happy. You will become happy. You WILL become happy or you will be told to leave until you are happy.
3. We Germans can be trusted. Whenever we try to move a specific demographic of people from one area to another, it goes smoothly and without issue. It most certainly is always efficient. Come on, we're friendly! Trust us, we're not just interested in your money. We also want to be your friend and make the BMW ownership experience as enjoyable as possible. This isn't about dollars for us or our dealers, it's more than that. You're part of our family.
4. We now have BMW M Performance Parts available so no aftermarket parts are necessary at all. Want that BMW Motorsport experience? Ok, it will cost a few more dollars and must be dealer installed which also costs a few dollars but M is not about money. It's about the Ultimate Driving Experience! And now BMW allows you to get the M experience for a few dollars extra without even having to purchase an M car. It's practically the same thing, it's not like we would just put the letter M on anything.
And you get to keep your warranty while having our best Motorsport parts on your car (it is true we do not race these parts but just take our word for it they are Motorsport derived we would never sell the M name we are not like that) for that ultimate M feeling. We will M the living crap out of you. MMmmmm, Motorsport!
Follow these "suggestions" and you will be fine. Disobey and you'll be banned from the BMW community. We Germans may sound fun but sometimes we get serious. Just kidding guttentag have a nice day. But seriously, don't $#@!ing touch your car or ever mention the Magnusson-Moss Act in a dealer because we will blacklist the living $#@! out of you. We're BMW, who the $#@! are you? Now go buy another one.
- Your friendly BMWNA Warranty Department